There is something about LETTING. Letting another person do something for you. Their offer is a gift and not an indication of your weakness or dependency. But it sure does feel like that some times. These are the conditioned responses of the adult world – learned over the course of a lifetime of interactions and experiences. We allow ourselves to LET another be present for us based on our experiences with others. Have other people in our life shown up? Have they responded with open hands and arms? When you have asked for assistance, presence, help, even rescue have you gotten it? Was it dependable? Did you feel safe? Did it cost something…..was it transactional? As if “I will help you with this if you do something for me in return.”
I have come to depend on myself primarily. I am stubbornly independent even in minor things like carrying in groceries or household chores. It is hard to ask for help. It may be even harder to allow others to help me. I do not LET. It comes from a childhood mantra of “Be Independent!”. A proclamation from birth. Translation: need no one, depend on no one. Furthermore, depending on another person was a gross sign of weakness. Failure. This is compounded by an early adult life of being responsible – proudly responsible. And lately, there is the added experience of being humbled at times and directing ASKING for help and being rejected.
You have to be careful who you ask for help. You may also have to be careful who you LET help. But, it is important to learn to not be so stubborn and fiercely independent that you reject others. Just LET. And believe it is not conditional. It is not transactional. It is (most often) a simple offering of kindness and generosity.