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Fear

I had a scare today. I had to have a test done, one of those “preventative” tests that we get sent for when we reach a certain age. Usually, they are a quick task. You go in, the technician takes a few films and then comes back and says, “everything looks fine.  Who can we send the report to?”

Today, there was a pause. A space. A hesitation. “I need to take a few more images” because there is a “spot”. Pause. Sound cones down. The room got slightly smaller. I could hear myself breathing. Fear tickled the back of my neck…….then…

The rapid cascade of thoughts……all the possibilities play out like a Vegas card dealer spreading out a new deck of cards. What if…….

I held my breath. I waited. I asked the Holy Mother for peace. Calm. Company. Just stand here with me, Blessed Mother…while I wait. Mary is the ideal image of patience and acceptance. So I stood still. I was silent. I did not let myself wander or avoid this possibility. I also didn’t cave in to the fear. I just stood still.

Then the doctor came back in…..”Everything is ok, it all looks fine. REALLY!”

Breathe. Dress. Walk. Drive.

Then the reality hit. Not the massive ton of bricks, but the sense of having dodged a bullet.

Grace.

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