Forces

Beware of the Dark Side! Do not give into the darkness: anger, resentment and fear. The modern, universal story about the battle for our souls, our conscience, our minds and our humanity. Instead, open up to the Force, the Light….to Love (with the capital L). Let go of the rest. The negative that sullies and taints, destroying the purity of Love. The Darkness chips away you, eats you from the inside. If you give it purchase, especially if you feed it, it grows. Darkness is hearty, not because of evolution but because of mutation. Some damage or insult causes a snip, a change, a mutation, an anomaly and that is how cancer starts. A microscopic glitch in a single strand of DNA and from that grows a malignancy.

[Now, I do not mean to say that people “let” cancer happen. No! I do NOT believe that people who get cancer (the real, fucked up, biological cancer that SUCKS and kills) have let that cancer in. That kind of cancer is a biological glitch beyond mind control. I am speaking in METAPHORS and ALLEGORIES here…..the spiritual cancer we must fight against every day. Real cancer is a bugger-boo, an ambush, a blindside and not what I am talking about here.]

But I know in my own situation, my own biology, I let the Darkness in. I gave it shelter. The anger, the fear, the dread, the shame, the unforgiving hardness. The Hate. I gave it a purchase in my soul and it has eaten at me. In some Grand Design, in my own personal spiritual battle made flesh, my body took all that energy, all that negativity and converted into something physical. But instead of getting cancer I got an autoimmune disorder. It’s scientifically kind of cool. As a geeky sciency person, I love this shit but I know that this is beyond science and biology. This is the edge of the continuum between the mind and the body. My body took all the anger and the rejection and the feelings of abandonment and being unlovable and unworthy, the bitterness and RAGE – just pure unadulterated rage – that I have kept bottled up and converted it into antibodies. These antibodies are in production against……well, against nothing specific. That is the confounding part. I am making an army of antibodies against……myself. The irony, the true manifestation of cosmic irony is that I am now making SMITH antibodies. That is their name. These are new, this is the new production line. Because – I guess – God felt I wasn’t getting the hint when my antinucleolar antibodies (ANA) antibodies spiked. Nope, He kicked it up a level and now I am making SMITH antibodies. How is that for a message?

I hear you Lord. I got the message.

I am thankful that my sense of self is so strong and fortified that the negativity didn’t twist me into a real malignancy. Or the other more common path would have been to drag me into the darkness with that Beast, depression. No, instead I end up with a hyper-drive trigger of my immune system, in a colossal attempt to PROTECT myself, to defend myself, to mount a massive immune barrage against…….SMITH. It’s actually laughable. I have laughed. This is my mystic moment. God speaks and he has spoken to me with an auto-antibody.

Stop being angry. Let it good, daughter. Be at peace. LOVE. LOVE. You are safe with Me. You have love in your life. Surround yourself with love and kindness and compassion and laughter and acceptance. And feel the Mercy only He offers and let all that other shit go. It is a big, cosmic, divine, “You gotta calm down, honey!” message.

I got it Lord. I heard you. It is time to wash it away, root it out, release it all into the universe. And then be thankful, utterly and truly thankful.