Compounding joy

I observed something interesting. Over the last few weeks, I have been juggling some fairly significant ‘stressors’. The situations that fell within my skill set, I managed well. Emotionally, they caused me pause but didn’t have me fall apart hysterical. For some, the discovery of a lump in a breast (or anywhere else for that matter) can cause a pervasive tremor of fear that builds. Instead, I simply set it on the sidebar, knowing that it required more data to determine relevance and plan strategy. And once I got that data….and it was all good news….then I let it sink in. I hadn’t gotten overwhelmed or derailed.

So how come I can’t do this all those other stressors? Going 15 rounds with the mortgage company about what seems to be mortgage fraud can make me literally crazy. Part of it has to do with my lack of information, their lack of knowledge sharing and a general powerlessness. I cannot see behind the curtain and am therefore at their mercy. To top it off….somehow no longer being on the deed of a property means you have no legal rights….yet they can refuse to release you from the debt liability of the same property. On the debt but do not an owner of the asset. How is this logical? But unlike the possibility of cancer, the mortgage company makes me crazy. I can’t just sidebar it and wait for more data. Except…..I can. It is a strange realization that I can just step out of the emotional space. It feels like unzipping a coverall and disrobing. And suddenly, now that I am out of that garment, I am calmer and less emotional. I feel almost unemotional. So, how is it that anxiety and fear expand like inert gases, their molecules spreading out to occupy every nook and cranny of a psyche?

And how can I have the same all-encompassing experience with joy or happiness?

Easy. Just let the bliss free. Let happiness and silliness out of their pens to roam free. Like an eager, inquisitive puppy, happiness will sniff and snoop around into every corner possible. Wile fear and anxiety can be all-consuming, happiness and joy can be expansive and amplifying. Fear consumes while joy compounds. Fear makes me LESS of myself while joy makes me more. It’s a cool feeling to be peppy and goofy and un-contained with positive energy. And unlike the negative urge to go crawl into my closet, this energy makes me want to skip and twirl and flap. How cool ( and undoubtedly foolish) does that sound ( and look)? Ask me if I care?

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