I discovered my true belief in a Creator in genetics class at American University. Reverse transcriptase unzipped my mind and my heart. Creation is not random, mitosis and gene replication are the best and most elegant argument for Intelligent Design. While the mind of the Creator cannot be fully understood, I knew that there was a mind. Humans may have the capacity to reason; as time passes we learn more but (maybe) understand less. Our doubts and fears are as great today as a year or a century or a millennium ago. I think our doubts and fears come from a belief that we can control things, that we have power and are therefore responsible. We do have power, we are powerful creatures, but we are not the Ultimate Power and the purpose for the day is undetermined. Our very existence is chaos math. We have as much control over getting a gallon of milk at Publix as we have over a sparrow catching gnats in France. When that reality squashes me and ennui consumes my day, I get a gift.
I always receive a gift.
Something always arrives to make me see – make me feel in my heart and in my anatomy that while I don’t know the purpose there is most definitely a purpose. I have free will, I make my own choices. Like any algorithm, there are options and each option leads down a different path. The length of the journey and the scenery I am to encounter and experience along the way varies, but I understand that regardless of which road I take, I am likely going to end up EXACTLY where I was meant to end up. HOW I get there, how LONG it takes, with whom I travel and even the number of detours and side trips are all of my determination. Sometimes the road is washed out and I have to hike across unfamiliar terrain. Sometimes I get a glorious solitary sunrise drive down the Pacific Coast highway. Sometimes I get a meandering stroll through the streets and alleys between the Coliseum and the Piazza Navone. Sometimes I am barefoot and the path is covered in jagged shards of glass,. Sometimes I encounter a merry band of folks singing and skipping leisurely towards nothing who offer a warm meal, company and a bit of rest for a weary traveler.
I sometimes realize I have picked a really shitty path, that I made a wrong turn. I am not going to arrive on time; I will be a disheveled mess when I do arrive. I might even miss the flight. The boat may leave without me. But then, that gift arrives. The unexpected. The unplanned. The unforeseen. The unknown. The joy. I am good with adversity because I am a hopeful person. I will tackle whatever is placed in my path because I am determined. But, I have learned over time (and through enough adversity) that the friction is my sign. Nothing comes easily. Like becoming a mother, I must labor through and give birth. Even for women who have their babies delivered by Caesarian, they have to heal from the scalpel. Their pain is postpartum. You get it on the front or on the back, but you get it.
It is in those serendipitous moments when providence arrives when I am stopped in my tracks and I LISTEN. My answers, my solutions, sometimes just show up. While I am toiling away and doing my part, being faithful to the path I picked…..for this is my bed and its mine in which to lie……sometimes, I look up and Serendipity is just standing there. Things just work out. But, had I not pushed onward, had I given up and quit, my rendezvous with Serendipity would never have occurred. Our paths couldn’t have crossed had I thrown myself down in a petulant fit and quit. I meet up with Providence and Serendipity because I stick at it.
And I know that I will stick at THIS path because I have a date with Seri and Provi at The Vous later.