Business as usual
Someone asks, “So will you celebrate today when the boys come home?” I paused as the dueling thoughts wrestled in my head. While I traveled and attended two conferences, they stayed with their dad. In reality, because of the Halloween weekend, they would have been with their father all of this stretch except last Wednesday night and Thursday night. So, in essence, I lost two nights. And while the length of time is LONG and it can physically hurt to be away from them, it is our reality. I went over Sunday, when I got back from the trip, and saw them briefly. I took them a few of their silly gifts: socks bought at the Japanese Tea Garden that can be worn with flip flops, the big toe segregated from the lesser toes. Today, I pick them up from school and they are with me until Monday. A normal “five” days in our 5:2 split custody arrangement.
While everyday we wake is a cause for celebration, everyday is not meant to be a party. The pragmatist won the duel.
The boys come back on the top of the week, Hump Day. They will have homework to do. They have chores. While I could have spit polished this house and their rooms, they need to be held accountable for their spaces. So, they come home to unmade beds and unvacuumed floors. I can’t vacuum their floors if their floors are not picked up. And I get to add another stanza to my blues classic, I am not your maid and this is not a hotel. Culture today sets this notion that we should all be headed to a party. We hoot the Hump Day. We YES! the Friday. Don’t cry when you get your shots and we buy Happy Meals. Get straight A’s and you get money rewards. It seems we seek every excuse to make hay, reward and celebrate.
I think it is too much.
If every moment for our children is special and acknowledgment-worthy, we set a precedence of making “reality” one huge awards ceremony and honor roll. And it just ain’t so. Life….real life….doesn’t come with grades, gold stars, prize boxes, Dean’s lists or glittery crowns. Life, real life, is…..well, it is ORDINARY. And ordinary is truly perfect. Ordinary is just fine. And think about that. What is JUST FINE? The real meaning of words erodes over time, we become desensitized to their true meaning. To be FINE is to be superior, admirable, excellent. Plus, I believe in the trite phrase, live in the present because everyday is a gift. It is a fine gift.
But, com on folks…..we do not get rewarded for doing our normal everyday jobs. No one throws confetti just because I show up to my job or complete an assigned task. When I complete my last chart of the day, no one stamps a smiley face on the back of my hand or sends a note home saying I had an extra special good day BECAUSE I DID THE JOB FOR WHICH I WAS HIRED. You don’t get rewards for doing the baseline.
And this is the lesson I want to teach my sons.
And this is why today is like any other ORDINARY DAY. Yes, I have missed them. Yes, I ache to be physically closer to them, the hear their voices and smell their boy funk and feed their bellies. But it is not cause for celebration. They haven’t been to war. I haven’t been trapped in a mine for 180 days. I went to a medical conference for work…for a week. And their dad managed things perfectly well. And they don’t get Oscars for doing their jobs. And their jobs are pretty clear. In my mind…pretty damn easy. SCHOOL and CHORES. And we don’t live on a 200 acre farm with dairy cows. These are suburbanite children, shuttled to and fro. And so, today, they may be expecting a party and they will be sorely mistaken. Today, they get their quarterly review, a job performance evaluation. Tough brake! And their reviews aren’t gonna be so hot. And I have left the evidence of their poor performances as example.
They will get some treats, but these are not things I wouldn’t otherwise do. I have planned a dinner they really love: Naan pizzas. I baked a Sock-it-to-Me cake. I have more presents to give from my trip. But all that will wait until all homework is completed and chores are done properly. Because while today is a fine day and a true gift….it is not a party. And they must take their current jobs seriously and do quality work. You get rewarded for extraordinary accomplishments. You don’t get a prize for making your bed or completing your homework. You will get a slice of cake, though. Maybe two. With a big, ice cold glass of milk.
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Archives
- March 2022
- January 2022
- November 2020
- March 2020
- February 2020
- December 2019
- October 2019
- September 2019
- March 2019
- January 2019
- December 2018
- October 2018
- August 2018
- July 2018
- June 2018
- May 2018
- April 2018
- February 2018
- January 2018
- December 2017
- August 2017
- June 2017
- April 2017
- January 2017
- December 2016
- November 2016
- October 2016
- August 2016
- July 2016
- June 2016
- May 2016
- April 2016
- March 2016
- February 2016
- January 2016
- November 2015
- August 2015
- July 2015
- June 2015
- May 2015
- April 2015
- March 2015
- February 2015
- January 2015
- December 2014
- November 2014
- October 2014
- August 2014
- July 2014
- June 2014
- May 2014
- April 2014
- March 2014
- February 2014
- January 2014
- December 2013
- November 2013
- October 2013
- September 2013
- August 2013
- July 2013
- June 2013
- May 2013
- April 2013
- March 2013
- February 2013
- January 2013
- December 2012
- November 2012
- October 2012
- September 2012
- August 2012
- July 2012
- June 2012
- May 2012
- April 2012
- March 2012
- February 2012
- January 2012
- December 2011
- November 2011
- October 2011
- September 2011
- August 2011
- July 2011
- June 2011
- May 2011
- April 2011
- March 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- August 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
- August 2009
- July 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- March 2009
- February 2009
- January 2009
- December 2008
- November 2008
- October 2008
- September 2008
- August 2008
- July 2008
- June 2008
- May 2008
- April 2008
- March 2008
- February 2008
- January 2008
- December 2007
- November 2007
- October 2007
- September 2007
- August 2007
- July 2007
- June 2007
- May 2007
- April 2007
Leave a Reply