It was so dreary this morning. I geared up to go outside and work in the yard and it started raining but not rain drops but rain haze. It was a fine mist on a stiff breeze. I wanted to open the bee hive and inspect the work of my new queen and her brood but the rain stopped me. I don’t want to stress the hive purely for my curiosity. So, I chatted with a friend (which by today’s standards means texting) and waiting for a break in the weather. It came. So, I trudged out and stomped on the semi-circular edger, making the full perimeter of the house. I’ve decided that the edger needs a razor sharp edge to make the work swifter and not requiring so much brute force. Then for the real grunt work: hands and knees with a trowel. I defined all the front monkey grass and the entire rose bed. All the roses are in bloom except the St. Patrick’s. I think it’s waiting for spring break to be over. Once the Younger is back to school his rose bush will bloom.

I worked in the yard until my arms were wobbly and I couldn’t really hold the trowel. Hard, exhausting work helps me clear my head but only if the work outlasts the problem I need to solve. Such was not the case today. It is ironic that on the day before Easter, in the gulley between Good Friday (the end of Lent) and Easter Sunday, I am overwhelmed with the most ferocious issue. And I am not my most empathetic or compassionate counsel. Aren’t matters of the heart and soul the one’s He cares about? When you put your faith and trust in Him and you agree to follow His lead, you must be willing to follow. And I did. I must trust. I do trust. But I reserve the freedom to be a doubter. Even a disciple was a doubter. I am allowed to hang back and be uncertain and insecure. I am still learning. I trust God and the path He has laid for me. I can’t control it. While I have control over myself and my circumstances, I can never manage all the other variables. Nor do I want to be that person. I’ll let Him be the Decider. I am steadfast in my prayers that I will do what is intended and that I am not proud or stubborn or a general blockhead to miss the chances offered to me.

I am guessing I will need to be back in the yard working hard tomorrow, even on Easter.