Just wait

River of Stones: Day 22

Discernment requires reflective, contemplative inward focus and a keen awareness of desires, fears, motivations and hopes. Discernment is not problem solving, there is no abacus for logical resolution. Discernment is a calculus of faith. It is not worry or anxiety, true foes to the process of discernment. Worry is ruminative thinking, a Sisyphean feedback loop that makes no progress, reaches no conclusion nor offers any solution. It simply feeds the fear and trepidation lurking in the shadows of the mind or heart.

Discernment is a organizational process of the mind, placing information in orderly arrays permitting  patterns to emerge. Discernment can be a kaleidoscopic experience. As a child I had a wonderful kaleidoscope that allowed me to change the pieces of plastic or their position in the head, making ever new and  brilliant images in the viewfinder. Discernment is very similar. Reorder, reposition, subtract, add, divide, hypothesize and then pause to LOOK at the resultant image. Discernment is not the collecting and ordering of things but in the LOOKING. There is an art to discernment, a willingness to let the images speak for themselves. I select the objects I wish to see more clearly or from a different perspective and I allow the mirrors to reveal images I have never seen before, a tumbling cascade of vibrant juxtaposed brilliance. Discernment captures a breath, ignites a fire, opens a heart, sloughs a wound, clears the air, settles the dust and leads to a brand  NEW thing…..a thing we had been seeking but had not yet known. We had a feeling, an intuition, a faint murmur of SOMETHING….and we had faith in the process…. that in simply ordering the items, a pattern would reveal itself without any energy or effort, a true gift from some mystical place.

Unlike petitioning for peace or forgiveness, unlike laying our woes and cares at the doors of heaven, unlike powerless submission of our will, unlike walking briskly in hopes of avoiding the stalking doubts and worry….discernment is a willingness to be present and wait….wait for IT to come to us. There is no control in discernment, once we create the space in time to discern. Be patient.

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