In Mass today, Fr. James told this story:
A teacher is speaking with a student. They are learning fractions. The boy is asked how many people are in his family. He answers 6: His father, mother and 3 other siblings. The teacher they says, “Your mother bakes a pie and then cuts it to serve everyone in the family. What will your share be?” The boy answers, “1/5th.” The teacher is disappointed and states, “You do not know your fractions.” The boy responds, “You do not know my mother, as she would not serve herself.”
I would never presume to be such a selfless mother. Indeed, I must struggle against my own selfish desire for space and time. But children radically change SPACE and TIME. My Evan has an uncanny knack of spreading out into everyroom and onto every surface imaginable. His play and imagination cannot be contained. It is a form of entropy. If we had a 10,000 sq ft house he’d diffuse out into the whole space. I imagine a type of toy vacuum cleaner that you could attach the various toy Rubbermaid bins. Suck up all the Legos into their bin, detach and then suck up the creature cards and Chaotic cards into their box. Cameron, on the other hand, is quite particular about his space. He is not a neat freak, but he does not want Evan contamination. It is like a kid who hates their food to touch while eating. Cameron does not want his STUFF to contact Evan’s stuff. If Cameron were a nation, he would have a closed border and a strict immigration policy.
But, I love the chaos and the mess. It is a divine lesson. Because I am a neat freak and a control freak. I am not a pack rat. I am not a hoarder. I am not OCD, but things have their place. EVERYTHING HAS A PLACE. But, God wants me to realize life is messy. Life is unpredictable. Life is not linear. Life is a sofa with a gold mine of mystery crap under the cushions. And I need big, brick through the windshield type reminders from God. I don’t learn lessons easily. I am not one to hear the faint whisper that could guide me. Nope. God blessed me with the best forms of sacred teaching. Children. And my boys are perfect. They are not perfect children but they are perfect for me. And the messes they make from one end of the house to the next are my Job like lesson.
I could not have asked for a better gift. And I could not have know how much love my heart could feel until I had children. Love of a child, the love of a mother, is something nearly impossible to describe. It is BIG. It is like having a secret room in your heart you never knew existed until they came. It feels supernatural and magical, like having a shoe box that reveals the Grand Canyon under it’s lid. It feels impossible how much you love them, yet you carry that love around in your heart everywhere you go. It is light and glorious and unlike any other feeling.
I am a happy mother. Motherhood is the finest thing I have ever done. I am excited and thrilled about being a mother everyday. I am determined to do it well, do it consciously and with honesty. I trust the Lord that he knew what he was doing when he sent them to me.
I am grateful. Thank you.