When you buy something at a store, our debit cards are verified,Â our driver’s licenses are confirmed, we wait for an approval number. Our data gets entered and doubled checked for accuracy. It is all meant to authenticate that we are who we present ourselves to be. Granted, people can cheat the system occasionally. The imposter might get out of the store with merchandise, but they usually don’t try to go any farther. The goal was the purschase.
In our relationships and interactions with people, wouldn’t it be nice to have the ability to authenticate the other person. What if we had a meter that registered our genuine compassion, honesty, empathy or concern. Eliminating the mystery and uncertainty would probably be destabilizing at first because we learn to be cynical and distrusting. But, if from out first encounters we were absolutely assured as to another persons TRUENESS. I do not mean their goodness. Truth is not always good or happy or pleasing. Truth can be sad, mean, hurtful or frightening. But knowing the truth is so much more reassuring.
There are times when I sense that my friend is worried or agitated or afraid, but she will not disclose her feelings. Out of politeness or embarassment, we mask ourselves. We spend an enormous amount of energy trying to figure out what people are REALLY feeling, REALLY thinking. And we also spend precious energy hiding how we feel because we don’t think other people want to hear it or see it or know us that well.
The authentic life is MESSY. It is wonderful and complicated. The Law of Entropy states that if left alone, a system will degrade to its least structured state, which requires the least amount of energy. If we applied that concept to relationships, we would have simplified interactions that required very little energy input.
The fake life is controlled and organized and contained. Real life is not controllable. Nature is not organized! When has your yard stayed mowed and manicured. If left to the TRUE reality,Â it would look wild and unkept. But which is a healthier yard? Â We interfere and control it by mowing and planting and weeding and edging. I watch Paul fret over every brown patch in the lawn. He tries to control and manage, but it may be a losing battle. He puts in all this energy to maintain the appearance of order and “beauty” by applying chemicals and fungicides. He expends mental energy trying to figure out WHY the yard is diseased. Nature, in it raw beauty, is disorganized in its appearance. What is unseen is that under all that disorganization is that true, inherent ability of ecosystems to find a healthy balance. If we could just stay out of the way…..
In our relationships, if we would all be honest, genuine and open, conserving energy for the authentic we could attain BALANCE. Our relationships would flourish and blossum,Â they would be healthy. They would be hearty, not fragile. They would resist disease and damage. They would propagate. Our relationships would generate more connections that were similar. And our garden would grow.