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Doors

Remember that daytime game show The Price is Right? At the end, the winner got to select a door. What was behind the door? The contestant knew that behind one door was a new car (!) or a fabulous vacation or a year’s worth of Alpo dog food :(. It was random and luck and chance. If only we knew what was potentially behind each door that presents before us. But isn’t it a blessing that the door exists?

Some days it feels like I am trapped. I have no avenue for solution. I am powerless and impotent. I cannot solve the problem(s). I cannot see a way forward. I have been silent and away from writing for the very specific reason that life has been burdensome and heavy. And my worries make writing a distant place, an unattainable realm. I get stuck in the quicksand, that 1970’s Creature Feature horror. The more I try to solve the problem, the worse I make it and the greater at risk I am for losing everything.

Then suddenly a door arrives, Potteresque before me. It is not the door I would have built. Never in my wildest dreams would I have arrived at this point of divestiture and offered it as the solution to my worries and burdens. But, when someone else does that selection for you….well, you make lemonade. And guess what……it is going to be the best damn lemonade ever! I sound a bit Trumpian in my declaration, but I think it is true. It is going to be great and it is going to be huge. This will be a 90 degree turn or made a 270 degree turn. I will potentially step into a space I had forgotten I desired.

I feel lighter. Even knowing that so much still needs to happen, still needs to be defined and ironed out….but there is a door and I am stepping through it. And along with that decision will be many other new options and choices.

Isn’t it funny like that? How Life arrives just when it is needed? All the hand wringing and all the fretting and all the paralyzing worry made zero progress. Instead, once I was still – maybe feeling totally beaten – a door arrives, framed and undeniable. That, my friends is a blessing.

 

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  1. I can certainly identify. When Rick said he wanted to sell our business, I went into it with a great deal of trepidation. Would it sell? OMG, what if it sells? Then we get a Buyer on the hook and the anxiety tripled. Are they the right buyers? Are we making a terrible mistake? This anxiety shifted as they began to seriously review our financial records and it looked like it might not happen. Will we EVER sell this business? OMG, what if they DON’T buy it? It looks like we will probably close this coming week and all of a sudden, I’m right back to square one with survival anxiety. To sum it all up, I am a nervous person. I am anxious by nature and don’t handle change well. I am very blessed because my husband gets this and is calm a patient with me but still pushes me through doors (or drags me along) anyway. And then I wake up on the other side of the door one morning and think, gee that was a lot of hullabaloo for nothing. Still, I can’t change my nature. I can meditate, I can pray, I can lean on my experience that everything does indeed work out. And that helps. It makes me feel calmer, but it doesn’t transform me into a bold, adventurous soul eager to race through any new door. It’s interesting to me that many people in my life think I’m bold and fearless, because they only see the outside. I say that, because to me, you seem quite bold and fearless. ;)

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