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Speed

Time has a way of speeding away from us. I complain of the sensation that I cannot control things and that life is moving too fast. I made a conscious decision to disconnect and downshift for my birthday. Literally.

The past few years have been at a breakneck speed. I know that I don’t want to live the next 10 years at the pace and stress level as the last 10 years. In 10 years, Cameron will be 22 and Evan will be graduating from high school. What other events will have transpired. Will we have confronted our first major medical crisis? Financially, will we be stronger? Will fear and anxiety still be so everpresent?

How could a person not be afraid when they sense they are hurtling through time at such a dangerous pace. One slight slip of the hand, one sneeze, one blink and we fly off course and risk disaster. If we are moving SLOWER, there is more space for corrective maneuvers. If I have time on my hands, I can think and decide with some allowance. Having time can be forgiving. If I am racing through time, I am risking life and limb.

Now, speed is fun. I love rollercoasters. I love driving fast. I like movement. I just know my mind and my body were not designed to be in perpetual motion.

I need rest. I need to breathe. I need space. I need stillness. I need silence. I need pause. I need to hesitate. I need to wait. I need to release. I need to close my eyes. I need to stop.

I do not need to quit. I am not giving up. I am not forsaken or forlorn.

I am hopeful. I hear Him, my guidance, pointing to the path much less traveled. This fast lane is too overcrowded. There was a time when to drive in the “super fast lane”, you had to meet prerequisites. Now, they just raise the speed limits so everyone can live that racing life. I will chose to slow down. I will chose to breathe deeply. I chose to pause. Waiting is not fear. Hesitation is not indifference.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 41 years old. Time has raced me up to tthis point. I think I now can down shift and cruise a bit. I might enjoy the ride move than simply racing to the “final destination”.

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