The choice between optimism and pessimism laid the foundation of Realisa. The whole focus was an exercise in finding the silver lining, seeking the beauty, gratitude for things – all things – even adversity and acknowledging the upside. This wasn’t a Pollyanna exercise in willful ignorance or elective ostrichism. It was a cognitive behavior modification in perspective. Can there be good within the bad? Can horrible or depression circumstances ultimately have positive outcomes? And if I keep myself on a path towards optimism and gratitude, do I rewire my thinking and therefore my feelings?

I fall away from writing, I have fallen away from writing because I have lost myself, lost my voice, lost a belief that I had anything to say. I fell away from writing because I started to care if anyone was reading what I wrote or was impacted by what I wrote. Translation: did I have any impact? Boiled down: do I matter?

Isn’t this what we all seek and want to know? It is the validation sought in all human existence, right. Does my tiny carbon imprint matter? Every electron and proton matter. For balance and symmetry and energy and fundamental chemistry and physics, everything matters. Even if you cannot see HOW you matter. You matter. And maybe one is not meant to know and understand HOW their existence matters in the orchestra of life, but the Universe uses everything. Nothing is wasted.

I seek my voice again. I stoke the banked embers of a creative heart that blazed ferociously a decade ago. The fire, the passion and the vision remains. It simply needs fresh air, new fuel and attention for restoration, heat, energy and luminosity.

It starts with curiosity and interest, discovery and wonder. The spark from podcasts like S-Town and Invisibilia helps. Following links embedded in those podcasts to Audible programs like Esther Perel and documentaries from Independent Lens. And the box is opened.

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