Wait and change

At some point in life, we think we know ourselves. At a certain age, after life hands us a generous portion of disappointment and misfortune, we might come to believe people cannot change. I am thrilled and pleased to discover I am not so jaded. I think people can change. I know they can change. And if I am but an N=1 study group, a single occurrence proves in the existence, the possibility. And while the cynic could assign the occurrence as a point mutation and non-reproducible, the mere existence argues it is worth studying. If you want to change something about yourself, I believe you can. You have to want to change, you have to truly and for your own heart and head, want to be different than you have been. You must dismantle and reprogram, overwriting the thought processes, the emotional triggers, the default parameters. It is healthy to expect glitches and redundancy; you need to permit yourself (your system) the possibility that it has feedback loops, multiple backups and extra copies of bad behaviors and negative mental states. It can’t be done overnight. Whether it is quitting smoking, losing 100lbs, eliminating procrastination, avoiding anxiety or simple self-criticism, changing takes time. You chisel away at it.

The one thing you must remind yourself is that you can ONLY change yourself. You have no capacity to change anyone else. Hoping they will be kinder, happier, sober will not make it so. No amount of coercion, diplomacy or solicitation will effect change in another human being. And while we might want to believe people are kind and genuine, the reality may be that they are just dicks. We can construct an elaborate belief system around what we perceive or desire but that is a sham. You cannot change another person and you definitely cannot change a phantom. Fairy tales are iconic and everlasting and meant to serve as fantasy, fiction and entertainment. They might offer teaching moments about character but they aren’t REAL.

The very best approach is to decide what you want. Picture it and imagine it being real, build it in your head a thousand times and in a thousand various methods. Walk through it all and generate the hologram. Then, slowly and methodically tackle the goal at its base and PLAN. PLAN. PLAN. Focus on each component and selection, but remain focused on only that which is YOU. You can only change you. You can only build or remodel YOU. If you make choices based on relativity and another variable – you have no control over that because you have no certainty – and the other variable can be like a sinkhole, shifting underneath all that you hope to build.

I am exceptional at tackling projects and getting stuff done. I do a lot. Some days I know I am doing TOO MUCH. I get overwhelmed. I can change this about myself. But, this character trait is also how I am successful. My tenacity makes me formidable; I just don’t quit. Long, long, long after other people quit, long after people think I am insane for NOT quitting, I press on. I press on in horrible odds. And some days I have to remind myself I have a childlike tendency to believe in wishes and dreams and fairy tales.  Except, life is much harder and requires far more effort than modern propaganda would have us believe. True success requires, demands and exacts true grit and time and energy. And I am not afraid of hard work.

I went from this

to this

in one month. Well, actually two years and two months.

I broke ground April 19th, 2012.

If you have a dream, WORK hard and believe.

And this afternoon, I have THIS!

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