Half step

My faith resides in my absolute understanding that I know nothing. I may be intelligent and clever but whatever the meaning of this life, I am clueless. I don’t even profess to know. I would appreciate getting clued in, getting a heads up, maybe some advance warning, but I accept my ignorance and innocence. Humility springs from this space. Humility is how I find peace. I have been faced with a few weeks of total uncertainty regarding something personal, something that means a great deal to me. This situation arose after facing and dealing with a scare over a lump in my breast. And while many people are shaken to their core when faced with cancer, I was absurdly calm, logical and unemotional about the whole thing. I figured that once I had true answers, I could then address how it made me feel. This new situation isn’t logical, it defies rationality and because of that, the emotions evoked are unpredictable and difficult to categorize.At the center of it all is the feeling that I want someone else to give me answers, make it all better. But that is a childish feeling. And I am not a child. I don’t want to be a child again, either. And so, I move forward. One small step (or half step) at a time.

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