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Quality control

How are you ever certain of something? There are somethings in life that are absolutes. You know how much money you have after you balance your check book. It’s not an arbitrary number. You know the grade you get on a test after it’s scored, especially if it is a scan-tron test. You know the time for running a race by the time clock. It’s a fixed number. But much of life is a judged sport and we don’t have the benefit of eliminating the outlying scores of the Russian judge. Most of our interactions are conditional and subjective. So how do you know you’re right? How do you know you are accepted? How do you know you’re loved or appreciated unless someone TELLS you. How do you know you are doing something completely wrong unless you get feedback? I am far from the delusional, egomaniac who always thinks they are right, feels they are always loved and absolutely appreciated by all. In fact, it’s just the opposite. I am never quite certain; I always feel I could have done a better job, tried harder. I fear I might disappoint so I check. I always check. It shocks some people to learn I need this level of affirmation since I am so detail oriented and seem so confident and competent. I call it humility. I am not a prideful person. Being humble means I want to make sure it’s all good. Could it be better? It’s not feigned. It’s not pandering. It’s genuine. If it can be better, I will try to be better, make it better. It’s just my internal quality assurance program. How do we make a better widget? How do we improve production? How do we become more efficient? And when I don’t get feedback, I fret. I am not very good at being sure I did it right. I am not so delusional as to live in a vacuum and need no outside input. So I check. Or sometimes, I just wait. I wait to hear if it’s good. Do you like dinner? Is the project up to par? Is it enough? If I don’t get feedback, I think that is an indication I need to do more. I never assume that what I’ve done is enough if the front is silent. It’s just how I am wired.

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