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Alchemy

Facebook is saturated with trite quotations and pithy sayings that we all share. They seem poignant and significant. How much do we really sit and ponder upon that quote of Beethoven or Einstein or Plath? I’m as guilty as the next person, cutting out the snippet and posting it to my Facebook page like it was the front of my fridge.

happySome days, it’s like a brick has been thrown through my windshield. Okay, okay, I hear you! I get it! There are no horses here. We aren’t going for rides today. Whatever it is I’ve been sitting around making wishful daydreams about simply isn’t going to happen. Furthermore, the energy and effort (and TIME) I have squandered in the process is absurd. What do I have to show for it? Nothing. If I am honest with myself – and not the Disney fairy tale version but the clinical examination version – I have nothing. What I see, what I desire, what I wish for is an illusion. For it to become reality, more than simply ME must participate. A single person cannot make this dream a reality. And yet, it is just me wishing for this thing. Right? It’s time to let go.

I really love my life. I am eager and excited about the Older going to college and the Younger going to high school. I am even more stoked about the Younger playing football. I love my house, my dream come true and I don’t wish to live anywhere else anytime in my life. I am so completely excited about my yard and the flowers and the fruit trees and the BEES. I love my day-to-day. I love my now. And NOW is all we’ve got. Now is the only thing that exists. But I cannot wish a ship into this harbor. I cannot conjure the arrival of that for which I dream. And, if I am honest….it shouldn’t be this difficult. This isn’t alchemy. I’m not wanting gold from lead. But…..I might as well be.

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