When I was in 10th grade (a long time ago) we were required to take a computer class. We learned to write the basics of code. Each line was number in base 10. It was structured in the classic “If this, then go to…..” Whether is was that class or some other fundamental processing feature in my mind, I still do all of my thinking in the “if this, then that” model. I have nicknamed it “playing both sides of the chess board”. Every great chess player, strategist or war general plays out every possible contingency. You put yourself on opposite sides of the chess board and you make all the possible moves. The more solitude I have to process through something, the farther along I get in the “moves”. Some people have accused me of being a pessimist simply because I consider the negative outcomes. That is a realist, right? Only a hopeless idealist or a bloody romantic leaves only the happy, shiny, positive outcomes on the table. That is a sure fire way to get ambushed or eviscerated, right? It is how you walk off a cliff into a deep crevasse.
Well, I’ve had a whole day and a half of silence to labor in my garden and work on some sewing projects to process through things. What I can conclude is that a DIALOGUE is meant to be between two people or a group of people. Otherwise, its just fiction, it’s just a screen play. And that – for sure – is not real. But if the person with whom I should be talking is unavailable, then what recourse do I have but to dig more, shovel more, work harder, labor to the point of exhaustion so as to avoid the perpetual one sided conversation I have fabricated? There is no recourse if you are talking to the wind and the shadows.
I get shit done though. I started my garden. I sewed the top of the altar cloth along with a start of a quilt top from the freebie Andover fabric squares I got at the Modern Quilt Show last year. It’s something.