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Pentium Infinatum

We form from one cell. That cell is the combination of partial cells from our mother and father.

They each donate half of a set of DNA and those chromosomes intertwines, mix-n-match and shuffle around to make a new single cell. That single cell is omnipotent.

Omniscience is reserved for diety, yet in that moment that last but a few hours, that single cell that will eventually become me had the potential of every living cell in creation. It is the root code, encapsulating all of the divine musing ever traced or doodled. With each day, the cells divide and differentiate.

They eventually become head or tail, brain or bone, mobile or stationary. And in just 40 weeks, a person is born.

That newborn is still yet to differentiate.

Their hard drive and CPU has to be filled with all the source code to learn to move, eat, feel and think. And the synthesis of data, the analysis and application of that data,  never ceases. Although it can get stuck. There is no human develop equivalent of taping a nickel to the arm of the record player needle to keep it from skipping on the scratch.

And while a human can be cold booted with a full cardiopulmonary arrest, even this kind of shock to the hardware does not rewire the processor. The human mind cannot be wiped clean and reformatted. Shocking the hardware can (sometimes) jolt the mind so profoundly that people change. They change on a fundamental level, as if the operative platform is changed.

The more common and natural evolution of human development is that our body and mind do not stop differentiating. We all accept that our body responds (negatively) to our environment and diet. We accept atherosclerosis and diabetes as consequence to high cholesterol eating and obesity. Yet, we scoff at the idea that diet, exercise and radical dietary changes can reverse these processes. Even in medical science there is a nihilistic view that chronic diseases are glacial and ever moving….towards worsening outcomes. I think the mental and emotional landscape can have the same chronic disease outcomes: insomnia, depression, anxiety are rampant in American society. We live in the Age of Anxiety. And in the last 40 years obesity rates have climbed to over 40% of our population. In some states, it is over 60%. It all feels so hopeless and the only “solution”? Pills and gastric bypass? The top selling drugs in the WORLD include Lipitor (cholesterol) Plavix (blood thinner), Zyprexa (schizophrenia), Norvasc(hypertension) and Effexor (depression). This astounds me. And I write for them everyday.

Why do we so easily accept the cattle shoot of pills and drugs? I want to offer hope and energy and possibility, especially to myself. I don’t like that there is this sense that we have lost all potential to change, we have lost that omnipotent spark woven in our DNA. In fact, I don’t believe it. I will not accept it. And I have done the pill path. After my second was born, I had post-partum depression. Yada yada yada…we have all heard Brooke Shields and the direct advertising. I also accept that some of my DNA is wired to lean HARD toward that darkness and my ancestors are not so agile at avoiding the crouching beast. But, I believe in the resiliency of my wiring. I feel I still retain some of the stem cell capability. I can take parts of myself and regrow areas that are malformed, diseased and poorly functioning, especially in my operating system. I may not be able to change the body I inhabit, but I can be fitter, stronger, more limber. I can make sure I am not wearing an “Edgar suit“, that I fit inside myself and have control over my body and limbs. I probably have it easier than some, since in my youth I was athletic and have some muscle memory. I can also start uploading new applications and rewriting the code that runs every other part of my system. I can clean up the spaghetti code and shave away the cumbersome annexations and add-ons. I can change. I can also add new memory; I have the ability to upgrade. We are all born with the divine version of the Pentium processor with infinite slots for memory and drives and the capacity is yet undefined. We are limitless. I am limited only by my initial software but no one can mandate I have to keep running on that TRS-80 processor. I can upgrade.

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