January 16th is the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King. Monday is a federal holiday and a four day weekend. Since I was a teenager, listening to Dr. King speak made me weep, overwhelmed with his words and their message. To have hope and faith in the face of such adversity, institutional oppression and cultural divide. And now, 44 years later, we have a man as out president whose father was black. Progress towards a goal can be made with slow, steady determination. The mountain top can be scaled with fortitude if you believe. I wonder what the fear must have been like, the dark moments, when Dr. King sat alone and wept in despair, doubting he might ever see a day when people of color had full citizenship and rights. It is a true lesson in faith in a higher power. Press on. Do not get derailed, detoured or distracted. Eleanor Roosevelt said that the future belongs to those who BELIEVE in the beauty of their dreams. It is not enough to dream or even dream big. It is that one believes in the dream. Faith is illogical, it bends the rational mind. It is the force field against fear. Without faith, fear decimates dreams, squashing them into dust, shaming you for even thinking you could or might. But like all creepy crawly things that scurry in the dark and engender fear and doubt, the best antidote is Light. Turn on the light, highlight the dreams, and the creeping fear slinks away.
I signed the binder for the purchase of my property this weekend. The symbolism is intentional. I came home and crawled back into bed and slept for two hours, letting fear nip at my heels. Then I realized that I have not been irrational. I am not pressed by time. I have the opportunity to convert the small replica of my dream into an actual home. All the clipped photos and writings and notes form an amalgam of the house I believe to be our home. I cannot doubt or fear; to do so means I doubt myself. To believe in this project is to validate myself and my dreams. I shall step forward boldly and in faith and follow the middle path between over confidence and tentativeness, between delusion and hopelessness.
People think dreamers are crazy. Those people who believe that they can sail around the world, land on the moon, achieve equality for a race of people oppressed, escape genocide or Holocaust, survive and rebuild from devastation like Andrew, Katrina or this earthquake in Haiti are met by a chorus of doomsdayers. There is no response but to forge forward and believe. The task may seem insurmountable. How many of us after Hurricane Andrew believed Miami was forever lost? It just takes time and determination and a little thing called faith.
I also walked the property with my architect and visited another house he designed that fits very closely to what I envision. I will meet with a potential builder, too. I am not close to breaking ground but it is good to know the direction I am headed. Each little step is another block in the structure of this dream I believe in.