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Blockage

So maybe what I write about is the block. Why am I blocked? Why do any of us get blocked? There are a multitude of variables that lead to obstruction.

I have this image of a coronary artery. There are these small arteries that feed your heart muscle. When you have chest pain or when you have a bunch of risk factors for having a heart attack, the doctor orders some tests that will look for blockages in these arteries. If an artery manages to just block off, you have really horrid chest pain and possibly a heart attack. Some people die before the blockage can be removed.

What most people don’t realize is that LONG before there was a blocked artery, the wall of the artery was changing. Plaque was laid down and the wall stiffens. The artery slowly lost resiliency and flexibility. All those changes are invisible and will be missed by the diagnostic tests. Until….whammo….crushing chest pain.

Part of my blockage orginates in my wish to focus on that which is joyful and beautiful. I desire grace. I seek the whimsical and the frivolous. But sometimes…..life just kicks you square in the teeth. In those times, it is hard to find a happy place. When you’re spitting your teeth out onto the pavement, any humor is really irony and cynicism. That is joy twisted inside out and dipped in bile.

But for Realisa to be authentic, I suppose I cannot avoid the darkness. If I want to stay ever focused on the pursuit of Lightness, I should be respectful of the shadows. Only through their contrasting effect does the light get defined.

And every one gets blocked. Everyone has been stuck in a collossal traffice jam on an I-95 (of an equivalent). Everyone has had that humiliating impotent moment where…no matter how hard you wish something to work….it fails miserably. Everyone  has been constipated. Everyone has laid sleepless and fretted through the night. We all get stuck. We all get pounded to the ground. We all feel like we don’t have the strength to get up.

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